haha...yea yea!finally i changed d blog layout..sis...haha...hmm...not as gd as d one sis made for me..but dun wory sis...i saved dat in case.. *winks*

but then rite...juz after i changed,i saw this ohhh sooo cute pooh layout!OMG!! its lik freaking cute u noe...well,i saved dat too...maybe my next month layout ah..juz wait for it yah...wunt be long..hehe

last schooling day..woohoo!corpse bride out...i've been waiting patiently to catch dat..but now...haiz...hu to go wif?i nvr watch movie alone b4..jz seems soo weird lah..nu ren goin wif her fren...linda oso...hmm...how?haiz..nvmlah..dun tink i can go out oso...go watch movie sumore..wad am i thinking?i muz be mad?its been 2 wks 4 days i've not hmm...gone out...lik seriously...and im still here alive!haha...so yah..jz endure abit lah...and hear d reviews from nu rens..dat'll be good enuff i guess..

ok lah...reali got ntg to blog bout alr...cant tink of anything..haha...byes....



monday...

hmm...sec 4E/5N classes wasnt in sch dat day...all of us had a kinda class gathering thingy...as for my class,we chose to go to sentosa...yupz!of all places..but nvm lah...took alot of pics but haiz...nvm...wad can i say...

d sun,d sea,d breeze,d sand...it was all d same...we went cycling...for two hrs...den play water abit b4 we were finally dismissed...linda n me went on swimming...nu ren looked after our belongings...den me n linda went to wash up...nu ren went home...she was tired n slpy...

surprisingly enuff,i found d toilet quite clean ah...after smelling nice...we went to harbourfront...wanted to eat...linda actuali tot of watching a movie...but hmm...we ate at banquet...to sit there agn...haiz...

den we walked arnd abit...went to this shop full of chocolates...yummy!!wanted to buy alot alot but quite ex....so yah....den went into another shop...bought sum stuff oso...alamak! i forgot sumthing...nvm nvm...ish!

so dat was how monday was spent...boring n typical...







hey...last paper todae...yea!and yah..the nu rens came over my hse today...we did some cooking!

went to NTUC and bought prego sauce,a can of mushrooms,some minced meat,woh hup black pepper sauce n dunoe wad lah...

hmm..guess it was ok lah d cooking...nu ren was proud of her 'cooking'...haha...nvmlah...as long as shes hapie can alr...

tml onwards,sch will be as per normal...haiz..but tml got no lessons for us...hooray!jz career seminars dat we haf to attend...two seminars...haisyor!me and linda chose the same one...hmm...life sciences and nursing...life sciences was her pick while nursing mine...haha...so we wunt be separated agn...haha...eww! i sound soo mushy...haha

ok lah..dats it for todae..byeeee



phew!geog paper today...damn the time was sooo short! i was practically scribbling thru out the whole paper...i wonder if the teacher will be able to read my handwriting...haiz....

but on the other hand,im abit confident lah..maybe i nailed it!haha...yah...i spent arnd 20 mins at map which was sooo stupid...shuldnt haf took dat much time lah...and for the first time,its not a map of the typical zimbabwe!haha...a new map...woo!den there was a choice between agriculture and industry...wunt deny dat i spent the whole nite ytd reading bout agrculture but i did industry instead...haha...weird me!but hey,i managed to think of reasons and answers to it...did haf a bit of backgroung info i can fall back on..lucky me!

den section C..by the time i get to this point,i oni haf like less than 45 mins!and there are two 10 marks qns followed by a 5 marks qn...alamak!rushing and rushing agn...i dont tink i did well ah...but wad a pity...i wrote on tourism...and it was relatively easy noe...haiz...if oni i had more time...haiz...

my first paper thru out tis whole prelim dat i actualli focused...but not dat much lah...i did erm stray away at a certain point...u shuld noe when lah rite..when i was writing the date...haiz...21 september 2005....i dun wan tok bout tis lah...a sad and sensitive issue...haiz..

tml...last day of prelims...hip hip...hooray!hip hip hooray!!!den cooking time wif nu rens!woo!ouh yah..its my dad birthday too...cant wait for tml lah...finally get to cook...looong time since i last cooked!not in d mood to do anything now ah...even when im asked to,i'll jz erm...dont bother lah...hmm...wad shuld we cook eh?got no idea now...

oh god! im getting these endless cravings agn lah...hmm let me see...sushi...spaghetti...dim sum...chee quey(i dunoe how u spell this)...and alot more lah...ouh yum!!wish i can get to eat all these...i wan seoul garden oso...long time nvr go there alr...haiz...i wan eat long john silver oso but i haf to walk pass BK for dat...so,nvm thnx....after saying all these,im feeling kinda hungry...but kn..lately i haf no appetite to eat noe..hmm..ytd,mama ask me buy food hm...they ate briyani while i jz bought carrot cake...guess how long i spent eating dat...nearly an hour!and i din even finish d whole serving....haiz...slow eater...slow drinker...everything oso slow...its actuali written in my IC noe...haha...stating dat im a slow eater n drinker..

ok i tink i wrote quite alot alr rite...scared ltr ppl condemn me...haha...oritey den...taking care!byeeeeeeeeeee



hey..hmm..thnx sis zizie...for showing concern...u noticed im feeling rather down in my recent entries...but seriously,dun worry much lah...its ntg wan...i noe its not common of adeq to be soo depressed n stuff..i mean erm..no matter wad problems im facing,i'll still be the happy go lucky gerl rite...not letting others worry much..u even said i shuldnt be awkward in sharing any of my probs wif u n abg..haha..hmm...its ok lah...ouh yah...let me say yea!!u finishing ur exams soon...woo!haha...best best!

and ayh..linda,i hate u!seriously!!no joking....y muz we always argue eh?all the time oso lik dat tau...before paper quarrel,after paper oso quarrel..haisyor! lik ntg better to do lik dat rite...and den always wif ur 'besok'...jz bcoz dats d oni malay word u learnt by hard...haha...i despise u ah!

haiz...tml is the 21st september 2005...haiz...to think of it...it hurts but...haiz...been a long long time since i last did this..but im gonna try though...

how shuld i start?
the feelings inside
all bottled up
but noone to cofide

for the first time ever
im feeling aimless
being so lost
but its useless

this heart
it yearns for you
nothing else but you!

i need you badly!i truly do!every single precious memory of us...ish!i keep thinking bout them...our times spent together...i smile,laugh and frown at them..but in d end,i will oni end up crying...it hurts so much...to haf gone thru soo much wif u...remember the times where we wuld jz sit and talk?though u wuld be d one doin most of the talking and me d listening n smiling...it felt so perfect...to understand each other..laugh wif each other and stuff...and of course our endless cravings for food!always wanting to eat sumthing...

haiz...



hmm...ppl are missing me alr huh..yah..i've been low for quite awhile...but rite,no worries lah..im fine..reali!no joking...im more than fine...never felt better...wad can i say..exam stress i guess..6 more weeks to go and boom!

n ya..holla my hse if theres anything lah k(to abg specifically)...i hope u stil remember my hm number...haha..yelah..mane tau dah luper kn...dah lamer tk kol adeq...but its ok lah if tk kol...im fine..haha..adeq kn lebih suke low profile..alau kecoh kecoh nanti popular pulak..haha..u juz take care of urself n sis k...dun noti noti can alr...i miss u two soo much lah..haiz...but yah..priorities...haiz...muakz to sis!

im insane!!im actuali toking to myself...yup yup...hmm...shuld i be warded at IMH or sumthing?i dunoe...im toking to my pooh soo much lately...cuddle him and stuff...pity him abit lah..muz hear me ngomel all d time...haiz..but wad to do...

oh yah...before i forget...let me see..hmm.. both nu rens promised dat they're cuming my hse tis week...im jz soo bored dat i made them do so...but of coz for a certain intention rite...we're gonna be cooking!yea!haven told anyone yet though..for wad?lik they bother...but yea!i cant go much...and they're cuming over abit..how i love them soo much!hmm..but still thinking wad to cook..i feel lik spaggeti...i make the best!haha..rite abg?u taste my cooking before rite....but linda wanted to cook alot of dishes den eat wif rice...dunoe lah...see how 1st..but before dat,gotta go cold storage 1st...no wet markets for us..haha..

after blogging all these,hey,im still not normal...trust me..i dunoe how to explain furthur ah..hm..its lik oni He noes how i truly feel deep inside..serious!im not crapping tis time round..lik i always said,how i wish i can transformed back into a baby...innocent baby...den i dont haf to bother bout a thing...all i do...eat,sleep.play,bath...haiz...

hell,i wunt be bad again...i've given it a thought..i wanna write loads more but i cant...i tink this is too much alr...let me kip it to myself...take care ya!to him..hang in there k...



haiz...haiz...haiz...

for a loong loong time,ur gonna be hearing me sigh alot..dun ask y...too lazy to answer alr...im actuali on the verge of giving up but yah...its no use...i'll juz ruin my own future...and i wunt get anything in return...i wan work my way thru...for most of u,u may think im toking bout my 'O's but there are other things..things more important...

i wan justice and fairness...dats all im asking for rite now...i wan the truth to surface...den i'll be at ease...hmm...not exactly lah..theres still lots to be done!and i aint giving up!!hell no!

for once,im gonna be strong...i'll not be weakened...and i seek strength in Him...in Him i find guidance...all i can do is pray...i haf absolutely no one to confide in...noone...everything is back to before...and its tough having to change back when i've made all d effort to be a better me...den suddenly...haiz...to him..i tink u noe wad i mean yah...u noe how i am b4 how how u tried so hard to change me...but now,i haf to adapt to d old me...im sorie...

haiz...wad can i do?i look normal...but im NOT!! im dreading every moment of it...i hate having to go thru it...i cant stand it...i jz feel lik losing everything..but wad d heck?do ppl understand?they say they do but do they?sumtimes i wonder...how my life will be....its full of misery...to haf to bottle everything up...and not say a word...im juz waiting for d time when i will jz burst....

arrrrrrggggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



life still has to go on..

but no matter wad...my feelings will nvr change...

to him...juz pray for now and be strong k..if we're meant to be,insyallah..im giving my word dat there will be no one else but u...i'll study hard and prove myself...same to you...now,all we tink bout is studies...but never forget each other...gif time...time will heal everything..i hope so and i pray that one day everything will be fine again...

words are not juz words!keep dat in mind...i want to be there and how i wish i can prove it...but i cant...i simply cant...

all these i say cums from my heart...all i need to noe...will you be faithful?will u wait for me...will u trust me?will u haf no one enter ur heart till dat day cums?dat day where our dreams will unite?will u?can u wait dat long?can i trust dat ur feelings wun fade bcoz we can neither meet or talk?

these qns kip bothering me...

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